"I am guiding you in the way of wisdom, and I am leading you on the right path." proverbs 4:11

the wonder of understanding

Written by:admin
Published on January 25th, 2014 @ 11:26:00 pm , using 317 words, 750 views

My soul cleaves to the dust;
Revive me according to Your word.
I have told of my ways, and You have answered me;
Teach me Your statutes.
Make me understand the way of Your precepts,
So I will meditate on Your wonders.
            -psalm 119:25-27 nasb

every day i read Sara Hagerty's adoration instagram

last year i read the book Wonderstruck by Margaret Feinberg.  

both have been such gifts in regards to awe and wonder and focus on Who Christ Is.

and it has been extremely tempting lately to think with these amazing words, what could i possibly add?  that's partly why it's been quiet around here. which is just plain...ridiculous.  but there it is.  moving on....

my daughter and husband are over in the kitchen heads bent over the f (x) and the function of y and and some such algebraic equation to figure out something about the weight and height of some random basketball player.  

i tried to help.  but i kept saying the same thing and she said, "no mom, that's not right," and i said, "but yes, isn't it?"  and "why are you asking me?"

so dad was called in and he sits next to her and asks the questions that lead to understanding and they wrestle through it and tears come but they keep going and eventually the tears dry up and understanding replaces confusion and hope of completing the assignment returns.

the help of a father that works.

i sit back and observe.  not to compare and condemn.  but intrigued by the process.  especially because i've been sitting here in psalm 119:25-32.  

Let me understand the teaching of Your precepts; 
     then i will meditate on Your wonders.
-psalm 119:27 niv84 

 

hmmm....if the video doesn't work, try this one

 

words have been hard to come by lately-not sure what is completely up with that.  hoping to continue writing more regularly here....maybe even finish the month off with adoration and wonder?  thank you for grace. 

just Wonder

Written by:admin
Published on January 12th, 2014 @ 11:30:00 am , using 420 words, 887 views

i've spent 3 days trying to write this post.  i've written it over at least 3 times.

and i'm seeing something.  

the whisper of wonder wasn't necessarily an assignment of sorts to write for 31 days about it.

it was an invitation to enter into it.  to live it.

yet again.

this post was originally titled the wonder of His counsel.

and it was all about how he counsels me in the outcomes......of my decisions.

the outcome of where i decided to live....where i decided to send my kids to school....who i decided to let walk through my door....the worlds i decided to enter into...the "ministry" i decided to engage in or leave....

before us is a crossroads....all. the. time.

we were watching a video of a pitcher.  He pitches the ball.  a bird's flight path intersects the ball at precisely the moment to be struck.  the ball never makes it to the batter.  all you see are feathers exploding everywhere.  that bird never. saw. it. coming.

one. half. second. later. 

if he had sent that ball only ½ second later

the bird's life would have been spared.

it represents what i've been asking for with the latest decisions related to my children especially.  i'm not really asking God for guidance.

i'm asking him to tell me which path will be the one where the bird will not get pummeled by the pitch.....i happen to like birds and seriously, what are the odds??

and it's because i've lost my sense of wonder.

my vision has clouded over

and i am afraid.

and so He is a wonder of a counselor.  and He has been counseling me over the last few days.  

but today i sat at home while the rest of the family headed off to church.  after sleeping for roughly 18 hours (from the bug going around) i'm up.

and i did my homework:

Matthew  14   "Take courage...I Am"

and Shannon's assignment. 

So, it seems the only way through this life is the constant reminder that it doesn't belong to me.

and then i looked up that song i remembered from so long ago by Natalie Merchant.

and wouldn't you know it.

it's called Wonder.

 

and all the pieces of counsel are falling into place.  

and i know.

that the choice is ever before me-to transfer my trust from______
     to Christ.

one choice is safe.

the other leads to Wonder.  
it challenges everyone's balance because it will require a
'but God'

 

the whispering is an invitation to live Wonder.

each step of the way.

the wonder of guidance

Written by:admin
Published on January 9th, 2014 @ 10:06:00 pm , using 190 words, 909 views

we have some decisions to make.  
and we have limited information.
because i don't know beyond this moment.
this i have learned along the way.  

tomorrow could hold any number of joys or sorrows.  
and my decision today may have something to do with that.
or it may not.
either way deadlines come and the decision must be made.  

and so i pray.
and i seek the Lord's councel.

and sometimes i just don't know.
so i just decide anyway.

but my mind is learning how to have rest
no matter the outcome

because, and only because
of the only One who knows anything. 

"i am senseless and ignorant; i am a brute beast before you.
yet
i am always with You;
You hold me by my right hand.

You guide me with Your counsel,
and afterward?.....
You will take me into glory."    

Whom have i in heaven but You?
earth has nothing compared to you
my flesh and my heart and my decisions may fail.
but
God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

it is good to be near God
i have made the Soverign Lord my refuge.
i will tell of all His deeds.     psalm 73:22-28 

all photos taken while traveling around in Uganda 2010

wonder-ful light

Written by:admin
Published on January 7th, 2014 @ 09:16:00 pm , using 135 words, 786 views

 

 

well.... two were home sick today.  it came on suddenly for them both.  my husband came in from work around dinner and he's now in bed.  that leaves me with my youngest and he had a rough day at school and so we're playing with clay. 

i've been asking God all day to open my eyes to His wonders.  and He has.  but i'm too tired to put it all into words.

but there are words already and a Spirit who will do His work with them.  so i'll let Him speak to you....
     in His personal and wonder-ful way:  

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God,
that you may declare the praises of Him who called you 
out of darkness into His
wonder-ful light.    
1 peter 2:9

the wonder of worth

Written by:admin
Published on January 4th, 2014 @ 04:45:00 pm , using 629 words, 1192 views

Long lay the world
in sin and error pining
till He appeared
           and the soul felt its worth.

 

 Shannon Martin over at Flower Patch Farmgirl made this canvas and i've been pondering those words ever since.

visiting with a friend from accross the ocean.

we talk of the kids and life and it takes awhile to get to the heart of things.

but get there we do.

we talk of the inner heart longings for a father to declare that we have value

and how that permeates everywhere.  

it all goes back to that child who wants their dad to notice and to like what he sees.

and neither of us have that from our own fathers.

...............................

"i'm so proud of you" came once in an e-mail from my dad and it enraged me.  

because i felt in the depths 
         that those were empty words 
                      because if he really knew me he would not say them.  

and i'm Jacob dressed up as Esau wanting the blessing.  but when the blessing comes i know that it's Esau's blessing and if he really knew it was me, Jacob,  he would say something different.

and i'm done playing dress up.

but it doesn't mean this soul doesn't long to feel it's worth.

................................

the Wonder of it all is that the One who knows that it's me, Jacob, He knows me to the depths of the bottom of who i am.

and it's not good.

i am an enemy.  
             an idolater. a Sabbath breaker. a liar. a thief. an adulterer. 

yes, but.

to Him, i am a pearl of great value.  i am worth coming down for.

how can this even be?

But God demonstrated His own love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

grace is a much better motivator for growth than guilt and shame
       but grace is not understood unless guilt is understood.

...............................

any mere mortal's declaration of my value, my worth... it's not always a bad thing. 
it is lovely to be both known and valued by another. 
it just can't be the main thing. 
and at some level it will always leave me wanting.  because there is not anyone who really knows all of me.  
and i always know that.  others' praise can only go so far.  it leaves the lingering fear that 'what if they find out the truth?  then what?'

but God?

His declaration of my worth is comprehensive, encompassing. it. all. 

there's no fear of Him finding out, only freedom because He already knows.

and He, my true Father, declared me worth it and came.  

worth the leaving of heaven
worth the stench of the trough
worth the snearing and rejection and being misunderstood
worth the stench of walking around this planet with all of us who are unclean and have gone astray.

this is why the gospel never gets old.

this is why i pray to never loose sight of the Wonder of it all.....or maybe to finally grasp the Wonder of it all? 

and this is why i have kept the tree up and the baby in the manger....just a little longer i ask my husband, just a little longer please?

because long i lay in sin and error pining,  

pondering and grasping to truly comprehend His appearing

so the very depths of my soul will feel it's worth

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,
may have power, together with all the Saints, to grasp
how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 
and to know this love that surpasses knowledge that you may be filled to the measure 
of all the fullness of God  Ephesians 3:16-19

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