"I am guiding you in the way of wisdom, and I am leading you on the right path." proverbs 4:11


Written by:admin
Published on February 20th, 2014 @ 03:06:00 pm , using 456 words, 2209 views

"What do you want?"


the accusations and temptations to do more/have more
and the accusations and temptations to do less/have less

who can know what it is they are to do?

i've been personally becoming aware of the whole identity thing....
          and had a couple of meltdowns over the state of the lives of the 5 living here in this home
                ....and the state of this home
     and some meltdowns over the state of the lives living outside of us, the state of this dying world.

this week in Matthew-we are in chapters 19-21

been also studying David and Saul and struck by (read: identifying with) Saul and his crisis of identity and battle with envy....and the picture of what he becomes-it's not even human anymore.


days go by and time alone to sit at the feet of the One who gives the best counsel and listens and knows everything.....the days go one after the other after the other and there is none.  and the world shouts in my ears and i forget what is true and meltdowns partner with striving and there is no peace inside.

until today.  and i sit with this question:

"What do you want?"

and i just don't have a clue what the answer to that is.

but He does.

and so He shows me:

tho i have not seen Him, i love Him, and even though i do not see Him now, i believe in Him and am filled w/an inexpressible and glorious joy.  for i am receiving the goal of my faith, the salvation of my soul.

what do i want?  joy.  unspeakable, inexpressible and glorious joy. 

and all my striving and pining and trying to figure it all out what to do and what not to do and where to live and where not to live and how to live and how not to live
             is all a frantic search for this joy.   

it doesn't come as i think it will. those words in 1 Peter were written to....

God's elect, strangers in the world, scattered.....who have been chosen (through the sanctifying work of the Spirit)
                for obedience to Jesus Christ.

i don't like being a stranger.  i don't like being scattered.  i don't always like obeying.

melt me with Your beauty, melt me with the truth of who You are and who i am.  the truth of the real goal of my faith-vs. the lesser things i make it.  the real source of joy vs. the lesser things i'm pining for

Restore to me the Joy of Your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.  -psalm 51

for further melting....in a beautiful way:  

When Life has Taught You to Run Past its Best Conversations

Being a Closet Radical


Written by:admin
Published on February 18th, 2014 @ 12:28:00 am , using 400 words, 771 views


 When your feet are slipping, may His faithful Love hold you up.  In the multitude of your anxious thoughts within, may His comforts cheer and delight your very soul.  -psalm 94:18-19

May God's word be brought forth from memory to gird up the loins of your mind and may your hope rest fully on the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.  -1 peter 1:13 

whatever comes, may you be granted power to grasp how high and deep and wide is His very love

for you.



inspiring reads from around the web:

from Becca over at TheStanleyClan on fear:

there are no guarantees. Life turns, not as we will it, nor how we prepare for it. Rather, God holds all of our futures in His strong hand, and in His perfect timing. That means we cannot protect against bullets any more certainly than we can protect against a broken heart, both literally and figuratively. Our children's hearts WILL be broken, as will ours, whether we live in the city or the suburbs. And yes, we will find ourselves in pain and perhaps weeping through the night. But this problem cannot be relegated to simply living in a broken neighborhood. Because the truth remains that we live in an entire world broken in need of a Savior. 

from Ann over at AholyExperience:  (if i knew how i'd paste a photo of simon's art, you'll just have to click over and see)

Sometimes your art will only be seen from the sky, from the perspective of heaven.

The wind will come. Simon's art will be blown away. Simon knows this.

He still makes art with everyday fallen grace. Simon still creates art knowing it could be gone the very next day.

from Emily over at TheHighCalling

Today a watercolor hangs in our kitchen, a rainbow turtle painted by small hands and offered as a gift. My son didn't paint to impress, to win, or to compete. He painted as an act of love for me. His expression warms my heart, not because the painting is good but because the boy is mine.
...Perhaps the most beautiful work you can do today is to begin to accept your creative inheritance from God and learn to become yourself in the presence of others, moving into the world as the person you fully are no matter where you are, who you're with, or what's gone wrong.

the Wondering. "Who do You say that i am?"

Written by:admin
Published on February 1st, 2014 @ 12:25:00 pm , using 237 words, 2131 views


pay attention to your tears. emily freeman. 

Behold His glory. Theaomai His glory. Theaomai from thaomai - "to wonder."  Not a glancing - but a gazing.... -Ann Voskamp



he sits bent over with tears over the "D".  i tell him; "that D doesn?t define you."

i stare at the official box checked on the very official form delivered by the very official officer; "public nuisance".  and i look down at the four paws in the air with the big belly waiting to be petted.  and i tell her; "they say you are a nuisance, if only they could see you for who you really are."


Matthew 16 and 17

Jesus; "Who do the people say that I am?"

Disciples; "John the Baptist, Elijah, a prophet."

Jesus; "Who do you say that I am?"

They head up a mountain, Peter, Jesus, and the brothers James and John.  Moses and Elijah join them. 

This is my Son, Whom I love, with Him I am well pleased, Listen to Him!


this morning the Lord turned the question around.....

because i've spent enough time thinking on who the people say that i am

 God, who do You say that i am?


tho i can?t actually head up a mountain today...i can lock myself in my room.  i can shut the door. and....

Listen to Him.....
      behold His glory.....
                and be struck


oh the Wonder of it all

oh the Wonder

the wonder of both grace and peace in abundance

Written by:admin
Published on January 27th, 2014 @ 10:14:00 pm , using 539 words, 3097 views

Man's love of truth is such that when he loves something that is not the truth, he pretends to himself that what he loves is the truth, and because he hates to be proved wrong, he will not allow himself to be convinced he is deceiving himself.  So he hates the real truth for the sake of what he takes to his heart in its place.  -Augustine as quoted by Os Guinness in Time for Truth p.117

 "pay attention to your tears"  -emily freeman found in her book a million little ways.

if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. -Jesus Matthew 16:24

the pain of rejection stings.  and of being found out. 

it stings because this is still my life.  my identity.  i am still taking cues from outside assessments of me.

this is my cross.  that i must daily take up.  it's dying to the getting of my identity from this world. 

but Jesus has said; "whoever wants to save his self will lose his self, but whomever loses his self will find his self."  self.  psyche.  identity. 

it comes in all sorts of pretty packages.  like bible study, or social justice, or 'works God has prepared beforehand.'  these were never meant to be my identity.  never. 

and my heart is deceitful above all things, who can fathom it?  it self-protects.  when threatened, it fights back.  hard.

but Jesus has said; "and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

the truth is, i am selfish.  materialistic.  idolatrous. etc. etc. etc.  in its mechanism to self-protect my heart will reject this and fight with every argument and reason that these things are not true.  but they are.  i am more sinful than i dared to imagine .....

and more loved than i dared to hope for. 

when i know this love.  really know it.  it melts me.  and it does set me free.... 

to be found out.  to be rejected.
          to die.

so that i can be resurrected to real life.  real self.  real identity. 
       taking the Gospel into the corners.

maybe this is the 'mid-life crisis'. (those aren't really the right words, but i don't know what else to call it) the realizing the name i've not made for myself and the wondering what i now want to do about that.  the investing of years of unknown little deaths...and just wanting them to be known and valued.  the being worn down by all the messages of what truly makes up a life well lived.

now that i ponder these things, what i want more than anything is to live

hating the real lie for the sake of what i take to my heart in its place.....

and in its place...

 could it be joy? .....overwhelming joy?

 in an identity found and dependant on

 the amazing grace
          and greatness of my God.

is this what it means to have grace and peace in abundance?  -2 peter 1:2;  i mean when i am aware of the abundance of grace needed, it's usually because of the abundance of screw-ups, and so typically an abundance of peace isn't what goes with that....

here's my heart Lord.  speak what is true.

the wonder of a life hid

Written by:admin
Published on January 26th, 2014 @ 05:51:00 pm , using 235 words, 1172 views

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea:
A great High Priest, whose name is Love,
Who ever lives and pleads for me.

My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart;
I know that while in heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look, and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin.
            Because the sinless Savior died,
           My sinful soul is counted free;
           For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me
To look on Him and pardon me

Praise the One,
Risen Son of God!

Behold Him there, the Risen Lamb
My perfect, spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I am,
The King of glory and of grace!
            One with Himself I cannot die
            My soul is purchased by His blood

My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ, my Savior and my God
With Christ, my Savior and my God

Before the Throne original words by Chartie L. Bancroft.  I happen to like this rendition musically.  Photos taken in Uganda in 2010.  in that last photo if you look closely you can see the lions in the bottom left hidden behind the grass.  we almost didn't see them and stop because we were watching the elephants.

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