"I am guiding you in the way of wisdom, and I am leading you on the right path." proverbs 4:11

a heart enlightened regarding His power

Written by:admin
Published on July 8th, 2013 @ 04:19:00 pm , using 735 words, 858 views

been a whilrwind of activity for the month of June and here into July.  This was from a few weeks ago-will catch up to the post-trip thoughts soon.

From Amy Carmichael?s Whispers of His Power-June 21st entry:

Isa 49:4 (margin): Then I said, I have labored in vain, I have spent my strength for naught, and in vain: yet surely my judgment is with the Lord, and my reward is with my God.

Matt. 20: 15: Is is not lawful for Me to do what I will with Mine own?

     Is it not lawful for Him to do what He wills with His own?  Is it not lawful for Him to allow us to wait on in faith? Is it not lawful for Him to allow His own to be disappointed?  Of course it is.
     This covers everything: all toil apparently (not really) spent in vain, all disappointments, all seeming failure.
     ?To what purpose have I toiled? For waste and mist my vigor have I spent? (Isa. 49:4 Rotherham) is a Calvary word.  But there is a triumphant end to it: ?And my God be proved to have been my strength.?
     Later when we look back we shall see the unexplained things of life shine like jewels.  We shall see that nothing was lost, nothing really was wasted.  There is no such thing as ?love?s labor lost? with Him.
     Till then ? Is it not lawful for Me to do what I will with Mine own?  Yes, Lord.

 Things as they are today, Amy?s words strike a chord.

i?ve spent the last 24 hours spinning circles in my head with thoughts-

why questions, so many whys

ultimately, getting to the bottom of things, the heart of things leads to the question i am really asking:

Why did cain kill able?  Why wasn?t his encounter with the living God.........enough? able? something? .....to stop him?

the word there in that blank space is

Powerful

aha.

here i am again, fallen in the trap of unbelief. of. God?s. Power.

and He would be right to respond with this:

Why dear child, do you doubt?

13 For I the Lord your God hold your right hand; I am the Lord, Who says to you, Fear not; I will help you!

14 Fear not, you worm Jacob, you men of Israel! I will help you, says the Lord; your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel.

15 Behold, I will make you to be a new, sharp, threshing instrument which has teeth; you shall thresh the mountains and beat them small, and shall make the hills like chaff.

16 You shall winnow them, and the wind shall carry them away, and the tempest or whirlwind shall scatter them. And you shall rejoice in the Lord, you shall glory in the Holy One of Israel.

17 The poor and needy are seeking water when there is none; their tongues are parched with thirst. I the Lord will answer them; I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them.

18 I will open rivers on the bare heights, and fountains in the midst of the valleys; I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water.

19 I will plant in the wilderness the cedar, the acacia, the myrtle, and the wild olive; I will set the cypress in the desert, the plane [tree] and the pine [tree] together,

20 That men may see and know and consider and understand together that the hand of the Lord has done this, that the Holy One of Israel has created it.

 

Behold!  He will, He will, He will....that men may see and know and consider and understand together that the hand of the Lord has done this, that the Holy One of Israel has created it.  Yes, Lord, it is lawful for You to do what You will with Your own.

for You are faithful

and You are Mighty in Strength

and yes, You are Power-Full

Help me to behold, to hang on, and to trust when my vison is dimmed and the beholding is delayed, and i am waiting.

"i pray also, that your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incomparably great power for us who believe.  That power is like the working of His mighty Strength, which He exerted in Christ when He raised Him from the dead." Ephesians 1:18-19

 

Holding On

Written by:admin
Published on June 14th, 2013 @ 05:11:00 pm , using 507 words, 1221 views

the tears drip down

i?m lost for words and how to process what i have seen today.

been taking a fellow to work this week.  after dropping my kids off at VBS, i?d head over to the hotel where he and his pregnant wife and 2 kids are living.

they have exhausted the resources of this city.  there are programs here.  they were in one. 

but sometimes a person?s brokenness keeps them from real help.

and so i drive.  there is always some fishing (for money) going on, but i am good and don?t bite.  this is love.  this is hard.  this is boundaries.  this is me in constant prayer seeking the Spirit who knows all things to tell me how to step left and right and dance this dance.

today it was driving pregnant mama and 2 kids and a couple of errands.  the conversations had been difficult, God had been faithful.  we drive in to the hotel.  there are many out of their rooms.  i look over and i see....

a man

carrying a woman

who is not breathing.

and i pull in and fumble for my phone to call 911 and wonder if i remember anything from cpr 25 + years ago.  the fire truck arrives quickly.  (before i need to find out about the cpr thing)

and i see. them. all.

i see the single mom of 4 who lives next to this family i know.

the family with the baby

the young girl

the tattooed man

the crowd gathered around

the fire dept, ambulance, police.

the darkness engulfing the entire place.

the woman breathing again taken

and the mom i know goes in her room, shuts the door,  and

i go home.

 

i go home.

and have to try to figure out how to parent these sinners here and nobody wants to clean their room

and i am the chief of them

but we have light.

we live in light.

and i can?t shake the vision of the darkness.

and i can?t stop weeping for them.

and asking why....why have i been given this gift of light.

and why won?t they take it?

and oh, that woman, the unnamed woman.  what brought her to the place of no breath in a run down hotel.

and You, the God who sees all things.  Who died for love of her, who has gone to great lengths for her, who continues to love her, how You must grieve.

this earth it is groaning.  i am groaning.

i have been studying the book of Colossians and so longed to write about all that i am learning.

but today, others are able to write and encourage and so instead i?ll just point to them.

for we all have need of endurance, and encouragement, and reminders of what is true. 

**~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~**

~Emily over at Chatting at the Sky and her post on what 100 lifeguards taught her about her calling.

~Jon Bloom?s guest post over at Ann Voskamp?s blog titled Don?t Give Up.

~and Sara Groves singing;

 

Christ is Reigning on His Throne

hold on

Selah

Written by:admin
Published on May 31st, 2013 @ 12:13:00 pm , using 126 words, 1982 views

(from the Amplified Bible; Selah=Pause and calmly think about that.  i know scholars differ on what the word really means, but like in Frindle -  this is the meaning the word has taken on for me.  it?s a good exortation for me whatever word one wants to use)

taking more walk breaks this week. 

in the multitude of my anxious thoughts.....this takes over:

God is my Shepherd.....His Peace transcends.....He is with me.

and my youngest walks by with this:

Hey mom, what did one volcano say to the other?

i don?t know

stop int-erupting me

Ha ha-laugh out loud Ha!

and i made that up on the spot, mom!  he says beaming at my response

His Peace  does indeed Transcend

and a good laugh accomplishes much!

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Written by:admin
Published on May 28th, 2013 @ 03:29:00 pm , using 437 words, 1138 views
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i was at home in the city getting ready for a trip to the mountains.  reading this and struck speechless with the thought of the gift of the Holy Spirit. the security in being sealed by Him.   had there been time to write-i would have wrote about it. 

we made the lists, gathered the necessities. and left.

left chaos behind.

chaos of the mess in our house, the messiness of relationships here and the messiness brought forth from our own hearts. 

which is why the gift of the constancy of the Holy Spirit living in me renders me struck dumb...  and joyfully grateful.

the road to the cabin winds and my breathing begins to slow.

we have rest there.

i forgot that for a while amidst the work there.*

the rest of friendship and being understood.

the rest of quiet.

the rest of beauty-even with the burnt trees that we need to cut down, there is beauty.

children occupied for hours requiring nothing from me. 

rising with the sun is natural here.

and i journaled this:

in Your Presence is fullness of joy.....
                Oh Mighty One, teach me how to live in awareness of Your Presence constant and consistently

...watching my boys build....God You have a path for my children, and You have chosen this dual life for them (city/country)

                and today

                                i am content.

*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Wonderstruck, chapter 2 p.37:

?The winding dusty path from Egypt to the promised land proves to be far more than a much needed shift in geography or transition from slavery to liberation; the great exodus is a journey in discovering the presende of God anew.

                Abounding love.
                                Generous provision.
                                                Exceptional patience.
                                                                Miraculous power.?

Oh My Father, i long to discover this Presence anew--
                                here at the cabin
                                                and
                                       back in town.

*~~~~~*~~~~~*

and then we came home.

plugged my phone in, charged it up and connected it to the world again. 

began to put things back in order 

and there is this;

a phone call left early that morning.  something ?important? (translate- a need of some sort, the needs here are so great...and so complicated)

and i sit and weep a bit inside.

and pray. 

that the Overseer of my very soul, that Great Shepherd of the sheep.

would come and deal with me.

so i can yet again love them.

and be content.

 

*there?s this whole back-story...this our intended home damaged by wind and then fire.  these 10+years of ?building? later we have a cabin.  no utilities.  nothing finished.  but the roof keeps the rain and snow out and the windows and door keep out the wind.  We work on it when we can.

being still and grieving while "the whole creation is groaning"

Written by:admin
Published on May 22nd, 2013 @ 07:53:00 pm , using 574 words, 741 views

last week a child at my daughter?s school passed away.  Sunday we received news that big Papa has cancer....it?s in the lymph nodes.  the prognosis is months to live.  2 years ago fire raged through our land at hurricane force.  our dear friends and neighbors lost their house.  we lost our cabin.  last year fire returned and took the rest of the community.  Tuesday tornados in Oklahoma.  2 elementary schools.  last year floods and tornados and all those waves and water on the East Coast.

the point of all this recapping is this.

grief.

grieve.

oh Christians, grieve.

there are no answers, no platitudes for times like these.  verses like Romans 8:28, yes it?s true.  but when you are standing in the rubble of what used to be your neighborhood.....its not the time for that.

its time for quiet prayers of strengthening of the inner man.  time for standing beside, holding and weeping together.  letting the wailing come.  for giving blankets and socks and tea.  for listening without drawing conclusions about a person?s faith...or lack of it.  and certainly no conclusions about what God is doing or saying.  oh from one who has grieved-i implore you-none of that. 

  ?Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm.  He said:  Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? ..... Where were you when I laid the earth?s foundation? Tell me, if you understand.....?

**~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~**

there is this book.  its quite an old book written by one who had seen great sufferring, and was experiecing her own personal sufferring.  it has brought me great comfort as it is not a book written ?from the well to the ill and so misses the mark.?  

**~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~**

when i rode in the ambulance holding my 8 month old son....sat outside the door where my husband was inside helping to hold him down while they desperately tried to get the life-saving IV in him.  hearing his  cries of deep pain as they kept sticking the needle in again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.  11 tries.  hours of trying.  there were no answers.  the prayers of faith pleading for the one who controls the seas to guide the doctors hand....  left unanswered....no, left answered with; ?no.?  i did believe He could.  i did believe He would.  He didn't.  why must a little one suffer so?  why must his mother suffer so?  if he is going to die, get it over with already, why this agony?  oh those hours took me so many places.  questions and accusations.  confusions.  he lived.  the questions have never been answered. (just new ones-like 'why did he get to live?')   but they have been stilled. it has been a journey-and the Lord who knows the number of hairs on my head is the One who knows how to still me.  Amy?s words:  ?Thy calvery stills my questions.  a love that loves like THAT can be trusted with THIS.?    its not a place of answers, but of trusting that His love was proved at Calvary, and even this is not able to disprove it-though it tries hard.    

if God hasn?t given an answer, lets not make one up for him.  let us rest in His love proven.  let us hold on to His goodness for those who cannot right now.  let us not fear the journey.  the questions. the absence of answers.

let us pray. 

let us PRAY.  

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