"I am guiding you in the way of wisdom, and I am leading you on the right path." proverbs 4:11

Category: "Journal Entry"


Written by:admin
Published on May 28th, 2013 @ 03:29:00 pm , using 437 words, 825 views

i was at home in the city getting ready for a trip to the mountains.  reading this and struck speechless with the thought of the gift of the Holy Spirit. the security in being sealed by Him.   had there been time to write-i would have wrote about it. 

we made the lists, gathered the necessities. and left.

left chaos behind.

chaos of the mess in our house, the messiness of relationships here and the messiness brought forth from our own hearts. 

which is why the gift of the constancy of the Holy Spirit living in me renders me struck dumb...  and joyfully grateful.

the road to the cabin winds and my breathing begins to slow.

we have rest there.

i forgot that for a while amidst the work there.*

the rest of friendship and being understood.

the rest of quiet.

the rest of beauty-even with the burnt trees that we need to cut down, there is beauty.

children occupied for hours requiring nothing from me. 

rising with the sun is natural here.

and i journaled this:

in Your Presence is fullness of joy.....
                Oh Mighty One, teach me how to live in awareness of Your Presence constant and consistently

...watching my boys build....God You have a path for my children, and You have chosen this dual life for them (city/country)

                and today

                                i am content.


Wonderstruck, chapter 2 p.37:

?The winding dusty path from Egypt to the promised land proves to be far more than a much needed shift in geography or transition from slavery to liberation; the great exodus is a journey in discovering the presende of God anew.

                Abounding love.
                                Generous provision.
                                                Exceptional patience.
                                                                Miraculous power.?

Oh My Father, i long to discover this Presence anew--
                                here at the cabin
                                       back in town.


and then we came home.

plugged my phone in, charged it up and connected it to the world again. 

began to put things back in order 

and there is this;

a phone call left early that morning.  something ?important? (translate- a need of some sort, the needs here are so great...and so complicated)

and i sit and weep a bit inside.

and pray. 

that the Overseer of my very soul, that Great Shepherd of the sheep.

would come and deal with me.

so i can yet again love them.

and be content.


*there?s this whole back-story...this our intended home damaged by wind and then fire.  these 10+years of ?building? later we have a cabin.  no utilities.  nothing finished.  but the roof keeps the rain and snow out and the windows and door keep out the wind.  We work on it when we can.

being still and grieving while "the whole creation is groaning"

Written by:admin
Published on May 22nd, 2013 @ 07:53:00 pm , using 574 words, 554 views

last week a child at my daughter?s school passed away.  Sunday we received news that big Papa has cancer....it?s in the lymph nodes.  the prognosis is months to live.  2 years ago fire raged through our land at hurricane force.  our dear friends and neighbors lost their house.  we lost our cabin.  last year fire returned and took the rest of the community.  Tuesday tornados in Oklahoma.  2 elementary schools.  last year floods and tornados and all those waves and water on the East Coast.

the point of all this recapping is this.



oh Christians, grieve.

there are no answers, no platitudes for times like these.  verses like Romans 8:28, yes it?s true.  but when you are standing in the rubble of what used to be your neighborhood.....its not the time for that.

its time for quiet prayers of strengthening of the inner man.  time for standing beside, holding and weeping together.  letting the wailing come.  for giving blankets and socks and tea.  for listening without drawing conclusions about a person?s faith...or lack of it.  and certainly no conclusions about what God is doing or saying.  oh from one who has grieved-i implore you-none of that. 

  ?Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm.  He said:  Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? ..... Where were you when I laid the earth?s foundation? Tell me, if you understand.....?


there is this book.  its quite an old book written by one who had seen great sufferring, and was experiecing her own personal sufferring.  it has brought me great comfort as it is not a book written ?from the well to the ill and so misses the mark.?  


when i rode in the ambulance holding my 8 month old son....sat outside the door where my husband was inside helping to hold him down while they desperately tried to get the life-saving IV in him.  hearing his  cries of deep pain as they kept sticking the needle in again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.  11 tries.  hours of trying.  there were no answers.  the prayers of faith pleading for the one who controls the seas to guide the doctors hand....  left unanswered....no, left answered with; ?no.?  i did believe He could.  i did believe He would.  He didn't.  why must a little one suffer so?  why must his mother suffer so?  if he is going to die, get it over with already, why this agony?  oh those hours took me so many places.  questions and accusations.  confusions.  he lived.  the questions have never been answered. (just new ones-like 'why did he get to live?')   but they have been stilled. it has been a journey-and the Lord who knows the number of hairs on my head is the One who knows how to still me.  Amy?s words:  ?Thy calvery stills my questions.  a love that loves like THAT can be trusted with THIS.?    its not a place of answers, but of trusting that His love was proved at Calvary, and even this is not able to disprove it-though it tries hard.    

if God hasn?t given an answer, lets not make one up for him.  let us rest in His love proven.  let us hold on to His goodness for those who cannot right now.  let us not fear the journey.  the questions. the absence of answers.

let us pray. 

let us PRAY.  

But God...

Written by:admin
Published on May 15th, 2013 @ 11:52:00 pm , using 700 words, 1377 views

(just an aside, it?s not wise to declare;  ?Aha!  here?s another ?but? verse!!? whilst teaching a room full of 5-8th graders when some of them are boys....because of course they will think you have said the butt word and at Bible Study no less!!  which reminds me of the time during prayer years ago with my own boys; ?Dear God, tho we are but dust, You love us?  giggles and giggles....

?uh mom, what is butt dust???

?merely dust, only dust, came from dust...?

?oh, i was thinking it was something that happened when you tooted?)

Ha Ha

moving on....

i?m finishing up a year in Genesis.  i began to see a pattern emerging early on...and then began seeing it elsewhere.  so i started a list:  (maybe look up the context for better understanding??)

Genesis 3:8-9  Adam and Eve;  "they hid from the LORD God...
....But the LORD God called to the man." 

Genesis 6:13, 18  ?So God said to Noah, ?I am going to put an end to all people, for the earth is filled with violence because of them.  I am surely going to destroy both them and the earth.
.....BUT I will establish My covenant with you, and you will enter the ark.?

Genesis 11:5  ?But the Lord came down....(to see the city and tower the men were building.)?

Genesis 12 Abraham lies and Sarah is taken into Pharaoh's haram; 
-But the LORD inflicted Pharaoh's house with disease....and Pharaoh says to Abram; "why did you lie? now then, here is your wife, take her and go." 

 Psalm 73:22  ?I was senseless and ignorant; i was a brute beast before you.
....YET i am always with You; You hold me by my right hand.  You guide me with Your concel, and afterward You will take me into glory.? 

Isaiah 63:15-16  ?Your tenderness and compassion are witheld from us.
....BUT You are our Father....You oh Lord, are our Father, our Redeemer From Old is Your name.?

Psalm 73:26  ?We are all weakness...
....BUT God is the strength of my heart.

Genesis 26:1-6  ?There was a famine in the land and Isaac went to Abimelech-king of the Philistines....
....BUT the Lord appeared to Isaac;  ?Do not go down to Egypt; live in the land where I tell you to live.  Stay....and I will be with you and will bless you....I will....I will....I will....?

Genesis 27  Isaac plans to bless Esau
....BUT it?s Jacob instead......

....BUT God brings him to surrender and faith  (v.33 i blessed [Jacob] and indeed he will be blessed; Heb 11:20 by faith Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau in regard to their future.)

Genesis 28:10-22  Jacob alone, rock bottom...BUT God. comes. to. him.  ......in a dream

Genesis 31:38-42  ?If the God of my father, the God of Abraham and the Fear of Isaac, had not been with me, you would surely have sent me away empty handed.
....BUT God has seen my hardship and the toil of my hands, and last night he rebuked you (Laban).?

Genesis 39:20  ?Joseph?s master took him and put him in prison, the place where the kings prisoners were confined.
....BUT....the Lord was with him.  He showed him kindness and granted him favor in the eyes of the prison warden.?

Genesis 40:23-41:8  ?The cheif cupbearer, however, did not remember Joseph; he forgot him.....  when 2 full years had passed, Pharoah had a dream
....BUT no one could intrepret them for him.  THEN the cheif cupbearer [remembered Joseph]....so Pharaoh sent for Joseph and he was quickly brought from the dungeon...?

Genesis 45:4-8  ?i am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt!......for two years now there has been famine in the land
....BUT God sent me ahead of you to preserver for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance.  So then, it was not you who sent me here, BUT God...?

Genesis 50:20  ?you intended evil,
....BUT God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives...?

 Genesis 50:24  ?i (Joseph) am about to die,
...BUT God will surely come to your aid and take you up out of this land to the land He promised on oath to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.?

 and so i can confidently say;

But God will certainly come to your aid......

But God comes down.....

Grace Amazing....

nothing, no one

But God

Hope recieved

Written by:admin
Published on April 29th, 2013 @ 11:49:00 pm , using 108 words, 2361 views
Posted in Journal Entry, Hope

for those of us clinging (barely desperately) to hope....

 ?He is constant.? *

?You, you are worth it.? **

?Trust what you have received? ***

(*Holly over at Africa Our Own Home;  **Katie over at Amazina; ***Brennan Manning from his book Ruthless Trust...and i just discovered that he went Home a couple of weeks ago....sigh.)

Pondering the truths spoken with the weight of experience and reality.  letting it all sink in.

my thoughts on the past few weeks are scattered and disorganized. 

but the Constant One is remaining Constant.

the truth is remaining truth; ?You are worth it.?

the assignment is remaining the assignment; ?Trust what you have received?.....




Hope Vinegar

Written by:admin
Published on April 17th, 2013 @ 04:39:00 pm , using 479 words, 948 views
Posted in Journal Entry, Hope

this house. it?s dust filled crevices and too much spewing out of everywhere.  i sweep and sweep and still, who could tell?  the sink shines up and sets a good tone for a moment. if only for a moment.  and in the endless sweeping and washing of peed in clothes and sheets....i ponder.

this house is my heart.  it shines up nice and presents itself at times for the world.  but the stench of exhaustion spews out and stains everything and everyone it comes in contact with.  vinegar works every time-in the tangible mess of sheets. but what is the vinegar for my heart?  what will take this stench away?  both from me and those i?ve wrecked? 

and i read Genesis-the entire book.  and it?s full of families.  families. that. are. a. complete. mess. 
sons who murder, fathers who abandon.  love so fractured that it poisons instead of nourishes. 

and i see me there.  and i see my own parents there.  and i fear to see my children there. 

i?ve been taught to ask-what does this text tell me about me?  about God?


God comes down.  He preserves what we try to destroy.  He rescues what we murder.  He restores what we?ve torn apart.  He shows grace-sometimes it feels even offensive-this grace.  (duh. grace IS offensive.)

but more than anything else these family portraits of Genesis tell me that

 He. is. Powerful.

Almighty, Mighty, Powerful God.

the God of Abraham=God who declares righteous by faith

the God of Isaac=God who provides the lamb

the God of Jacob=God who stays with His sinful people-wherever they go and who fills that heart hole (?bless me!?) to those clinging in utter weakness.  the God who wounds to heal.

the God of me=God who never lets go and is powerful enough to overcome.....it. all.

all the wrecking i?ve done, the messes i?ve made, the sin i?ve lived each day with this brood who shares this place of no hiding. 

i have never wanted to wound, these ones i love so much it hurts.  but wound i do.  and sin. and they do it too.  there is no formula to make us immune-no vaccine that we can take to stop the poison.

But God.

He stops it.





dare i admit that sometimes i feel like giving up?  both in the washing of the sheets and the washing of my heart?

But God. 

He comes and He stops up the poison, and He bandages up the wounds, and He gives strength to say i am sorry and will you forgive me and i love you.  He keeps working out His plan for me....and for them.

He overcomes powerfully.

 and we keep at this family thing. 

i keep at this parenting thing.

because He is helping me to believe

He is God Almighty

El Elohe Israel

Mighty is the God of Israel.

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