"I am guiding you in the way of wisdom, and I am leading you on the right path." proverbs 4:11

Category: "Journal Entry"


Written by:admin
Published on August 25th, 2013 @ 02:13:00 pm , using 306 words, 854 views

We head off to a funeral.  the Papa?s life lived leaves room for debate on what really constitutes a life well lived.  while in the midst of all the events of the week, i don?t see what is different about us.  i only Thank God for the peace that has taken over my heart.  attending formal functions can be challenging for us-for anyone with children i suppose-as most children find using forks to be optional and wearing uncomfortable clothes to be stupid.

but upon reflection of this picture i move.

 from being thankful for peace in my heart to smile at my son?s chosen activity rather than panic in embarrassment (my more normal pattern). 

i move into awareness of his freedom. 

?life?  my dear friend declares when i show her the picture.

and my vision shifts and i look and i see it too. 

life here amongst death. 

for him, for us what is different is that there is no fear in death.

we are not afraid of it.  he is not afraid of it.

we walk among the graves and comment on the different dates and wonder about the lives lived and losses felt.

but my boy-he moves from there to the next logical place.


Oh Death where is your victory? oh grave where is your sting? 

Death swallowed by triumphant Life!
Who got the last word, oh, Death?
Oh, Death, who?s afraid of you now?

It was sin that made death so frightening and law-code guilt that gave sin its leverage, its destructive power. But now in a single victorious stroke of Life, all three?sin, guilt, death?are gone, the gift of our Master, Jesus Christ. Thank God!

the kids start school on tuesday-the younger two this coming tuesday, the oldest the folowing tuesday.  hence the long delays between posts! thank you for grace.

Powerfully Reigning

Written by:admin
Published on July 16th, 2013 @ 04:54:00 pm , using 248 words, 1414 views

what i?ve learned so far this month:

God is powerful

  • powerful enough to intercept a cry of lonlieness with broken phones and no answer left but HIS; no one available but HIM
  • powerful enough to move an exhausted body into a world unknown and use said body in that world
  • powerful enough to keep
  • to keep one fighting against cravings for meth....and most recently heroin.  to keep day after day after excruciatingly waiting day while the system turns it?s wheels SLOWLY for admittance into rehab

and that when someone calls a rehab center while coming off of said drugs asking for help, help is not immediate.

and because the world?s help is messy and falls short and is so SLOW

the fact that God is powerful

  • is my only hope. 
  • my only source that makes it so this exhausted heart can rest
  • and so this body can leave that world and return and be present in the world i came from.

Christ. Is. Reigning. On. His. throne.

Can plunder be taken from warriors, or captives rescued from the fierce?

BUT ...... This is what the LORD says:

?Yes, captives will be taken from warriors, and plunder retrieved from the fierce;
I will contend with those who contend with you,
and your children I will save.....
Then all mankind will know that I, the LORD, am your Savior,
your Redeemer, the Mighty One of Jacob.? *

*Isaiah 49:24-26

The Mighty One, that Great Shepherd of the Sheep, the Redeemer of Old




a heart enlightened regarding His power

Written by:admin
Published on July 8th, 2013 @ 04:19:00 pm , using 735 words, 645 views

been a whilrwind of activity for the month of June and here into July.  This was from a few weeks ago-will catch up to the post-trip thoughts soon.

From Amy Carmichael?s Whispers of His Power-June 21st entry:

Isa 49:4 (margin): Then I said, I have labored in vain, I have spent my strength for naught, and in vain: yet surely my judgment is with the Lord, and my reward is with my God.

Matt. 20: 15: Is is not lawful for Me to do what I will with Mine own?

     Is it not lawful for Him to do what He wills with His own?  Is it not lawful for Him to allow us to wait on in faith? Is it not lawful for Him to allow His own to be disappointed?  Of course it is.
     This covers everything: all toil apparently (not really) spent in vain, all disappointments, all seeming failure.
     ?To what purpose have I toiled? For waste and mist my vigor have I spent? (Isa. 49:4 Rotherham) is a Calvary word.  But there is a triumphant end to it: ?And my God be proved to have been my strength.?
     Later when we look back we shall see the unexplained things of life shine like jewels.  We shall see that nothing was lost, nothing really was wasted.  There is no such thing as ?love?s labor lost? with Him.
     Till then ? Is it not lawful for Me to do what I will with Mine own?  Yes, Lord.

 Things as they are today, Amy?s words strike a chord.

i?ve spent the last 24 hours spinning circles in my head with thoughts-

why questions, so many whys

ultimately, getting to the bottom of things, the heart of things leads to the question i am really asking:

Why did cain kill able?  Why wasn?t his encounter with the living God.........enough? able? something? .....to stop him?

the word there in that blank space is



here i am again, fallen in the trap of unbelief. of. God?s. Power.

and He would be right to respond with this:

Why dear child, do you doubt?

13 For I the Lord your God hold your right hand; I am the Lord, Who says to you, Fear not; I will help you!

14 Fear not, you worm Jacob, you men of Israel! I will help you, says the Lord; your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel.

15 Behold, I will make you to be a new, sharp, threshing instrument which has teeth; you shall thresh the mountains and beat them small, and shall make the hills like chaff.

16 You shall winnow them, and the wind shall carry them away, and the tempest or whirlwind shall scatter them. And you shall rejoice in the Lord, you shall glory in the Holy One of Israel.

17 The poor and needy are seeking water when there is none; their tongues are parched with thirst. I the Lord will answer them; I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them.

18 I will open rivers on the bare heights, and fountains in the midst of the valleys; I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water.

19 I will plant in the wilderness the cedar, the acacia, the myrtle, and the wild olive; I will set the cypress in the desert, the plane [tree] and the pine [tree] together,

20 That men may see and know and consider and understand together that the hand of the Lord has done this, that the Holy One of Israel has created it.


Behold!  He will, He will, He will....that men may see and know and consider and understand together that the hand of the Lord has done this, that the Holy One of Israel has created it.  Yes, Lord, it is lawful for You to do what You will with Your own.

for You are faithful

and You are Mighty in Strength

and yes, You are Power-Full

Help me to behold, to hang on, and to trust when my vison is dimmed and the beholding is delayed, and i am waiting.

"i pray also, that your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incomparably great power for us who believe.  That power is like the working of His mighty Strength, which He exerted in Christ when He raised Him from the dead." Ephesians 1:18-19


Holding On

Written by:admin
Published on June 14th, 2013 @ 05:11:00 pm , using 507 words, 1001 views

the tears drip down

i?m lost for words and how to process what i have seen today.

been taking a fellow to work this week.  after dropping my kids off at VBS, i?d head over to the hotel where he and his pregnant wife and 2 kids are living.

they have exhausted the resources of this city.  there are programs here.  they were in one. 

but sometimes a person?s brokenness keeps them from real help.

and so i drive.  there is always some fishing (for money) going on, but i am good and don?t bite.  this is love.  this is hard.  this is boundaries.  this is me in constant prayer seeking the Spirit who knows all things to tell me how to step left and right and dance this dance.

today it was driving pregnant mama and 2 kids and a couple of errands.  the conversations had been difficult, God had been faithful.  we drive in to the hotel.  there are many out of their rooms.  i look over and i see....

a man

carrying a woman

who is not breathing.

and i pull in and fumble for my phone to call 911 and wonder if i remember anything from cpr 25 + years ago.  the fire truck arrives quickly.  (before i need to find out about the cpr thing)

and i see. them. all.

i see the single mom of 4 who lives next to this family i know.

the family with the baby

the young girl

the tattooed man

the crowd gathered around

the fire dept, ambulance, police.

the darkness engulfing the entire place.

the woman breathing again taken

and the mom i know goes in her room, shuts the door,  and

i go home.


i go home.

and have to try to figure out how to parent these sinners here and nobody wants to clean their room

and i am the chief of them

but we have light.

we live in light.

and i can?t shake the vision of the darkness.

and i can?t stop weeping for them.

and asking why....why have i been given this gift of light.

and why won?t they take it?

and oh, that woman, the unnamed woman.  what brought her to the place of no breath in a run down hotel.

and You, the God who sees all things.  Who died for love of her, who has gone to great lengths for her, who continues to love her, how You must grieve.

this earth it is groaning.  i am groaning.

i have been studying the book of Colossians and so longed to write about all that i am learning.

but today, others are able to write and encourage and so instead i?ll just point to them.

for we all have need of endurance, and encouragement, and reminders of what is true. 


~Emily over at Chatting at the Sky and her post on what 100 lifeguards taught her about her calling.

~Jon Bloom?s guest post over at Ann Voskamp?s blog titled Don?t Give Up.

~and Sara Groves singing;


Christ is Reigning on His Throne

hold on


Written by:admin
Published on May 31st, 2013 @ 12:13:00 pm , using 126 words, 1750 views

(from the Amplified Bible; Selah=Pause and calmly think about that.  i know scholars differ on what the word really means, but like in Frindle -  this is the meaning the word has taken on for me.  it?s a good exortation for me whatever word one wants to use)

taking more walk breaks this week. 

in the multitude of my anxious thoughts.....this takes over:

God is my Shepherd.....His Peace transcends.....He is with me.

and my youngest walks by with this:

Hey mom, what did one volcano say to the other?

i don?t know

stop int-erupting me

Ha ha-laugh out loud Ha!

and i made that up on the spot, mom!  he says beaming at my response

His Peace  does indeed Transcend

and a good laugh accomplishes much!

<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 ... 14 >>