"I am guiding you in the way of wisdom, and I am leading you on the right path." proverbs 4:11

Category: "Journal Entry"

Oh my soul

Written by:admin
Published on November 4th, 2013 @ 10:43:00 am , using 304 words, 1312 views

Psalm 103

sunset over puelblo resevoir, CO (see the heart?)

Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget none of His benefits;

 

Who pardons all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases;
Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
Who satisfies your years with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.

The Lord performs righteous deeds
And judgments for all who are oppressed.
 He made known His ways to Moses,
His acts to the sons of Israel.

The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.
He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.
As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.
For He Himself knows our frame;
He is mindful that we are but dust.

 

As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
When the wind has passed over it, it is no more,
And its place acknowledges it no longer.
But the lovingkindness of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to children?s children,
To those who keep His covenant
And remember His precepts to do them.

The Lord has established His throne in the heavens,
And His sovereignty rules over all.
Bless the Lord, you His angels,
Mighty in strength, who perform His word,
Obeying the voice of His word!

Bless the Lord, all you His hosts,
You who serve Him, doing His will.
Bless the Lord, all you works of His,
In all places of His dominion;
Bless the Lord, O my soul!


(photos of some of His benefits taken by myself except for the peacocks-those were taken by my daughter hannah.  the giraffe and the bridge are on the nile river north of uganda, the rest are from around colorado)

Torn

Written by:admin
Published on September 27th, 2013 @ 12:44:00 pm , using 505 words, 367 views

 

in 4 days i will forget these words (about Rain) to myself.  literal rain will fall and fall and fall and roads will wash away and again we will be separated from a community we love.  and i will catch a cold and my daughter will catch a cold and we will spend these free days that have come-these days when the schools are closed and all activities are cancelled and tho the road is dry in front of my house, we must stay home. we will spend them sick and with way too much tv and so we are given a gift of rest in a way.  while outside deep losses and griefs are occurring.  and i will get a phone call that frustrates the hell out of me.  the party girl wants cigarettes and she wants me to go get her some.  no. i won?t do that. there are so many things on so many levels that are wrong with that.  the city is flooding for crying out loud.

and as a result my writing is scattered and my thoughts are disorganized.  But in the midst of it all, He still speaks.

outcomes.

these thoughts.... and the old Love and Rockets lyrics play on repeat ?these thoughts pin me to the wall?  these thoughts of all these outcomes...

but He whispers in the mist/midst    of my grieving and my gratitude and my temptations to feel guilt for the gratitude and anger for the grief, and longings deep to be somewhere else, and grief over that too, and not really knowing how i feel because it keeps changing each second. and i just want Jesus to come. back. today. right. now. and be done with all this already.

Still, He whispers: 

hope and help

he whispers it through Matthew chapter 1  (really, this is the family tree?? these people??)

he whispers it through Acts 17:26-28 (He determined the exact places where men would live)

(the sticker the National Guard placed on our window of our cabin.  Reminder of where we are not living.)

 

He speaks through these words from Emily and Ann and a friend:

 ? You can?t control outcomes ? you can only model how to become.?

 Am I willing to finally release my perceived right to control every outcome and instead trust the results to God?  

?Trust......when the outcome is beyond our ability to predict......that?s the place of trust.?

This tearing, pulling it?s deep within me.  i feel pulled.  i feel stretched by the outcomes, and lack of them.  i feel torn in two and grasping for hope.  the rain it refreshes and destroys.  and both at the same time only a few miles apart. 

Yet Christ promises hope. 

He promised it=hope.  and in the midst of being torn, he enables to keep going=help.

 

?For we have no power against this great multitude (of stuff) that is coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.  My help is in the name of the LORD who made heaven and earth.?


Rain

Written by:admin
Published on September 10th, 2013 @ 12:06:00 pm , using 256 words, 683 views
Rain

she is pulling away
     i get a call from her caseworker
            and go to check
and she?s dressed for a party
     but she opens the door for me
            and her tears flow
we sit and read psalm 139
     and i give her a hug
             but i cannot make her choice.

 

in another world, a dear sweet one comes to  Bible Study
     even tho she is feeling old and weak
            fighting the cancer within
and tomorrow she will learn what her options are.
               and she is hanging on - to Christ?s every Word
                               and it works
and she is comforted.

 

i?ve been 20 years now at this Bible Study
     this will be my 4th time through the Book of Matthew
            i started out lost.  4 years of His words, i became His
so i know that it works.

 

whom the Son sets free, will be free indeed.
          but it won?t work for some?  it will seem like it isn?t working for some.
               and what do i do with that?

 

keep going.  just keep going. 
     because He has said: 

?For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven,
And do not return there without watering the earth
And making it bear and sprout,
And furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater;
11 So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth;
It will not return to Me empty,
Without accomplishing what I desire,
And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.

oh Lord, our only hope is You. 

Only You.

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.

Hebrews 10:23

The First 6 Weeks of School

Written by:admin
Published on September 6th, 2013 @ 05:09:00 pm , using 206 words, 543 views

The First 6 Weeks of School.  It?s an old book, used first by my aunt who was a teacher and then passed on to me.  I remember the principles set forth, those first 6 weeks establishing routines and how the class will run the rest of the year.  The importance of putting in time those first 6 weeks on these seemingly insignificant things so that learning can really take place later on. 

 

i?m transitioning.

and this first week was full of interruptions. and there was no ?first 6 weeks? routines established.  just lots of tears and pleas and prayers.  (and rebellion and complaining; "This is Not what i planned for today!"  -to be quite honest) 

or maybe......

the routines will come, i will learn this new place and pace.

but the pleas and prayers-nothing insignificant about that-and how necessary it is for the real learning within to take place.

and this new transition brings with it attack on my identity-as change often can. and that still small voice whispered often.....

he entrusted himself to the one who judges justly.

this first week my Teacher/Shepherd has established what remains the same as always:  

His word is my comfort

His ear is always available

His judgments are just

His grace all sufficient

Things i Learned in August

Written by:admin
Published on August 30th, 2013 @ 01:12:00 pm , using 729 words, 686 views

  

 

At the end of the month, for the past few months, Emily Freeman has been writing about what she learned and has invited other's to link up and share what they have learned.  This is my first time joining a link up-and i am excited to share!

 1.  Raisons dance in ginger ale.  This one from my son?s 5th grade science class-there is a scientific explanation having to do with molecules and such.  what i don?t know is it has to be ginger ale or if any carbonated beverage will do. 

2.  Riding bikes to school is a GREAT idea.

3.  I will not cry when i drop off my boys the first day of school (which this year happens to be the first day of school outside of home ever for the youngest) because it means that i have some quality time with my freshman who starts school a week later.  But i will cry when i drop my daughter off.  Because for the first time in 13 years i now have time all alone.  i am delighted and sad all at the same time.

4.  I can survive walking through hundreds of high school kids eating lunch at the age of 40-much easier than i did at the age of 14!

5.  It is possible to have a pilot?s license before you have your driver?s license.  Some even set it as their goal to solo for their 16th birthday.  so possibly in 3 years i will be driving my daughter to the airport so that she can pilot me around the sky in an airplane!

6.  i will not be able to guess who said this: 

?For once you have tasted flight,

You will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward;

For there you have been,

And there you long to return.?

7.  there is a side of Leonardo da Vinci that i never knew. Not only is he who said the above quote, but i learned this about him:

?One of history?s creative geniuses was Leonardo da Vinci; an artist, scientist, and dreamer who was fascinated with flight.  He spent countless hours studying the flight of birds and his 15th century manuscripts contained approximately 160 pages of descriptioins and sketches of flying machines.?  -Jeppesen Private Pilot Textbook 2007 p.1-2

 8.  I will never cease being excited about learning-i will just express it differently now.  This is encouraging in the season i am currently in.  i have homeschooled each of my children at one point in their lives, but this year all 3 of them will be going somewhere else for school.

9.  Sometimes a person is drawn closer to God because i show up.  sometimes a person is drawn closer to God because i do not show up.  ultimately He gets credit for drawing a person to Himself-and so i can find peace in those moments when i feel His Spirit nudge me to turn off my phone and REST.  and when i doubt He gives me this conversation;

me: ?i?m sorry i missed your call?

her: ?that?s ok, i was struggling (to stay sober) but you didn?t answer so i picked up my Bible and ended up reading the entire book of James, and now all the cravings are gone and i feel much better. 

me: i have no idea what i actually said but inside i shouted; ?Hallelujah!? glad i didn?t get in the way of that!

10.  Gut wrenching, pee your pants laughter with your husband is a GREAT idea too.  Netflix and Everybody loves Raymond.  Season 6 episode 13 ?Tissues?.  your welcome.

11.  Another facet in the diamond of God?s Grace-His leading .  This learning to let go of  ?earning? (the try hard life as Emily Freeman calls it, or ?getting it right? as Larry Crabb would say.)  for me it?s layers of enlightenment and new patterns of thinking.  This month-today actually -the new layer is related to the Grace of His guidance;

?  Where can I go from your spirit?
    Or where can I flee from your presence?
 If I ascend to heaven, you are there;
    if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.
If I take the wings of the morning
    and settle at the farthest limits of the sea,
 even there your hand shall lead me,
    and your right hand shall hold me fast.  psalm 139:7-10

12. And finally-that i can do one of these link ups!  It took all of 5 minutes to figure it out thanks to thenester?s practice page!  

 

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