"I am guiding you in the way of wisdom, and I am leading you on the right path." proverbs 4:11

Category: "Journal Entry"

forward and back and January has 31 days

Written by:admin
Published on January 1st, 2014 @ 09:16:00 pm , using 312 words, 1073 views

     

after christmas sale at Hobby Lobby and our outside tree has decorations!

i'm not really with the program here.

yesterday was tuesday, today is wednesday. the calendar still rests on December (tho actually yesterday was New Years Eve and today is New Years Day and it's now January)

we've been spending these days all together. there have been moments of that gut wrenching laughter (i didn't think it had to come at my expense, but whatever), and time up at the cabin and time with family and friends. there have been late nights with new shows to watch (Foyles' War and Inspector Lewis). there have been plenty of the other things that come with being together-the bickering, the taking a walk just to be alone with only the sound of my footsteps.

1000 pieces and 2 days of togetherness

and i've wanted to write about my favorites from 2013 - looking back
and i've wanted to write about my longings for 2014 - looking forward.

but i also know that these days are numbered. the oldest will continue to grow older and in the not too distant future will be doing her own thing with her own friends...driving her own self around. and the other two will follow. and our time together will change into something other than what it is right now.

and right now with these who are right here is right where i want to be. i wish somehow i would have made both the writing and the being happen.

but i've also been hearing some whispering deep within on Wonder. just like the whisperings on provision back in October when the nester hosted her 31 days series.

January has 31 days in it too.

and so today-this 1st day of 2014
i'm slipping in here with a very hesitant and loose commitment to another 31 days of writing

this time through the lens of Wonder.

and He will be called
Wonder-ful

tidings of comfort and joy

Written by:admin
Published on December 19th, 2013 @ 11:19:00 am , using 230 words, 816 views

bench on a street corner in North Carolina

 

tomorrow is the last day of school before break.  half a year of 3rd, 5th, and 9th grade over.  2 weeks off to play legos and worship and rest....and maybe if the forecast is accurate a snow fort?  of course there will be bickering and finding ourselves in eachothers way and the smallness of this house will feel too tight at times.  and at other's the smallness of this house will feel cozy and just right.  

as we all enter in with extra food and family and time together....

may we find places of rest where we least expect them, a bench to sit on and someone who speaks our language.  may the wonder of it all, the Love that came down to free us from the vows we take and the prisons we make..... oh this Christmas.... may there be just a little more freedom and a lot more grasping of the height and depth and width and breadth of a Father who loves like no other.  

and the thing i've been praying for the 5 of us under this roof is many many moments of
      gut wrenching
            stomach hurting
                  pants peeing
                           laughter!      may you have the same??

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.
I came
                  that they may have life
                  and have it abundantly.
 
I am the good shepherd.   (john 10)

not consumed

Written by:admin
Published on December 16th, 2013 @ 10:23:00 pm , using 550 words, 729 views

so plowing forth and letting God use the words even tho the blog looks ugly now and the text might be wonky.....and i can't make links work so you'll have to go back to the post titled 'facelift' to see what i'm talking about. but i did at least figure out how to paste from MS Word without an error.....but the formatting is still a little wonky and not how i like it.  oh well.  giving myself grace! 



"How are you doing?"
"all i have is Jesus....He's the only thing that is sure/secure."
ahhh, giving a concerned look.
because we both know when a person says that, it usually means things are going rough.

and i've been thinking about that all morning.
the truth is.....Jesus as the only rock secure- is always the truth. rough times or not.
and i'd like to remember that

What i long for in growth is that the good things won't compete for my affections, and the hard things won't steal my joy.
the beautiful thing that wrought peace to my heart and brought sleep to my body earlier in the week was this. so the decision was the wrong one and the response was the wrong one, and maybe my children will go down the wrong way tho i have striven so to point them to the right way, and maybe in the work i do, i will do it all wrong and it all may just not work. regardless of my failures real and failures percieved.....


Jesus is my only hope. Jesus is sure. because of Jesus and who He is and what He does,

i can rest secure. i can cease striving because i know that He is God.

Oh that you would rend the heavens and come down,
that the mountains would tremble before You!
As when fire sets twigs ablaze and causes water to boil,
come down to make Your name known to your enemies
and cause the nations to quake before You!

For when you did awesome things that we did not expect,
You came down and the mountains trembled before You.
Since ancient times no one has heard,
no ear has perceived, no eye has seen

any God besides You,

who acts on behalf of those who wait for Him.
You come to the help of those who gladly do right,
who remember Your ways.
But when we continued to sin against them, You were angry.

How then can we be saved?

All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away.

Yet

O LORD,
You. are. our. Father.

Yet
this I call to mind
and therefore have hope:

Because of the LORD's great love
we are not consumed,
for His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;

Great
is Your Faithfulness.

I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for Him.'
The LORD delights in those who fear Him,
who put their hope in
His
Unfailing
Love.....

Those who put their hope
in God's love to not fail?
bring Him delight.
delight!

Blessed are the people whose God is the LORD
The Only One Who faithfully, faithfully gives

pardon for sin
and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear Presence
to cheer and to guide
strength for today
and bright Hope for tomorrow

Great.
is.
Thy.
Faithfulness.

Isaiah 64 (from this morning's advent reading at church); Lamentations 3; Psalm 147; 144; a Hymn

 

 

in This place?

Written by:admin
Published on December 13th, 2013 @ 12:32:00 pm , using 908 words, 772 views

Surely the Lord was in this place, and I wasn?t even aware of it! Genesis 28:16

i come in the door grumbling grumbling.

we?ve been spending ourselves this week on behalf of Isaiah 58 people.

the exhaustion is beginning to take it?s toll.

Wednesday, i was at the dentist sitting in the chair next to my daughter and the hygienist completely lost in October?s National Geographic.  So much so that they kept asking me questions and talking to me and i was completely oblivious with my head in the pictures of N. Korea and the Congo.  Finally my daughter yells out; ?MOM! It?s time to go!?  i look up and they are both staring at me as if they maybe had mentioned this already a couple of times??

late last night, somewhere between pulling into the driveway and my front door, i lost the car keys.

still, i left that to the light of the next day and attempted to make a birthday cake for my daughter.  the pan tipped and spilled half-baked cake all over the oven.

i plop myself down on the couch to try that too again tomorrow and look out my window.....no lights.

those dang squirrels chewed a bulb off-now only ¼ of them light up. 

after rehearsing spelling words with my 3rd grader in the car this morning and shooing him off with a story to remember why there is a silent K in front of Knight, i drive home and the grumbling begins to rumble and spill out within. 

pulling into the driveway and i remember those dang lights.  and in my grumbling profanity over the lights welled up within and dang wasn?t the word i wanted to use. 

i told myself it was silly to speak so about Christmas lights. 

i am a complete mess.

last night driving home the words to myself were instead; ?i am a complete fool.?

 all the volunteers for this week are looking to me to lead them.  my children are looking to me to lead them.  profanity wells up within about that.

grumbling all the way i plop myself down and am irritated that the whole wide world seems to go on without needing to stop in front of the King of Kings, the Wonder of a Counselor, but no, not i. i am desperate and needy.  and completely irritated at that fact.  (do you see it?  those lies that are such nonsense, but man, in the moment they seem so true.)

and he?s working hard, that infuriated accuser.  he?s giving it all he?s got to keep me right here.  exhausted and irritated. profaning the Son of God and His provision....or perceived lack there of.

flipping over the promise chart-i read these words:

The Promise of Victory

?Who is it that overcomes the world?  Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.? 1 john 5:5

oh and those words begin to do their work.

i make my tea and block out the rest of the accusations about how this chai has too much sugar and i?m on December 8th in ?The Greatest Gift? so i should just give it up. 

I open Ann's new book to page 65

The only words on the page staring up at me are these:

Surely the Lord was in this place, and I wasn?t even aware of it.  Genesis 28:16

 

and i sit and let these tidings of comfort wash over me, lingering before turning the page for more.

(if you don?t have the book-the focus on the reading is Genesis 28:10-16-read that and the rest will make sense i think?)

You can feel it.....like life?s this stairway that you just never stop climbing.....Like all these lists are rungs, like your failures stretch from earth to heaven, like all your rest feels like lying down on one unforgiving stone.

-Ann Voskamp The Greatest Gift p.68

and the tears that fill my eyes blur the rest of the words on the page.

the bugs and the foolishness and the cake and the congo and it all does feel like rest* on one unforgiving stone. 

and today, i need my King to be a Victorious King, and my Shepherd to be a gentle Shepherd, and my Counselor to be a Wonder of a Counselor.  He is all those things and so very much more.

Love has come.

daily rescuing.

daily saving.

daily strengthening.

daily quenching.

daily loving, oh how deeply loving with the very word needed-even if it?s ?technically? days behind schedule.

sigh.  the grumbling and profanity** has stopped.  although i would not complain if the neighborhood boys did some target practice on some squirrels.

Holy Holy Holy

Lord God Almighty

Merciful and Mighty

in This very place

Holy Holy Holy

are You,

my Love.

my only Hope.

my only source of Strength.

my true Rest.

 

*He taught me about rest.  I sat in Matthew pondering these two verses side by side (11:28-30 and 13:22) and i did think of blogging on it-but the words have been hard to pin down these days-maybe soon?

** Also quoted in Ann?s book these word of Elizabeth Elliot; ?[Profanity] is treating as meaningless that which is freighted with meaning.  Treating as common that which is hallowed.  Regarding as a mere triviality what is really a divine design.  Profanity is failure to see the inner mystery.?  p.69 in The Greatest Gift.
my profanity was actually not in the words i wanted to speak over the Christmas lights, it went so much deeper than that. 

 

Love and Lights on a Tuesday

Written by:admin
Published on December 3rd, 2013 @ 10:28:00 pm , using 430 words, 853 views

i wish i could have captured the depth of color of these lights

tuesdays have become my one day to be alone in my house.  all the kids at school and the one day a week my husband takes a temporary seat at the office instead of working from home.  i have come to look forward to this day-it?s my Sabbath in a way. but today jeremy had the day off. 

Sunday his mom made chex-mix.  Monday he came home from dropping hannah off at school in the morning a little late with grocery sacks full of chex and pretzels and peanuts.

chex-mix is one of his most favorite things.  you?d think he was 10 again.  but monday came with lots of work, so there was no time to oblige.

***~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~***

i mentioned Saturday that i wished we had put up lights.  jeremy reminded me that his ladder is in the mountains.  we haven?t gotten lights up for a couple of years now.  we didn?t get to it this weekend.  snow is headed our way this week. typically once the snow comes-that?s that.

Christmas lights are one of my most favorite things.  you?d think i was 10 again.  but the weekend came with lots of other stuff so there was no time to oblige.

***~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~***

this tuesday morning, jeremy?s out in his office.  he was supposed to have yesterday off too-but things come up and sometimes it doesn?t happen as planned.  i figure today will be the same, i make my tea and heat up the oven to 200.  today is a slower-paced day and there?s time for chex-mix.  it will bring him joy. 

out in his office jeremy calls his dad to borrow his ladder.  today is mostly a day off and there?s time for lights before the weather turns this afternoon.  it will bring me joy.

he comes in to the smells of chili powder and worcestershire sauce.  he peaks around the corner and his eyes light up- ?chex-mix?!  yeah!?

he heads down under the house and comes up with the outside lights- ?Christmas lights?! yeah!?

***~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~***

by pick-up the sky has turned and the snow has begun to fall.  it is freeeeezing.  but the joy of the lights already twinkling amidst the flakes falling consumes me.  knowing that because tuesday worked out to be a day off after all and the weather waited till late afternoon to turn and my husband?s delight to bring me joy- all added up to this.

on this ordinary day, of this ordinary life.....

getting to love and being loved.....

oh the joy!

  linking up with Emily Freeman:

 







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