"I am guiding you in the way of wisdom, and I am leading you on the right path." proverbs 4:11

Category: "3/1 Spiritual Marathon Training"

the wonder of guidance

Written by:admin
Published on January 9th, 2014 @ 10:06:00 pm , using 190 words, 1806 views

we have some decisions to make.  
and we have limited information.
because i don't know beyond this moment.
this i have learned along the way.  

tomorrow could hold any number of joys or sorrows.  
and my decision today may have something to do with that.
or it may not.
either way deadlines come and the decision must be made.  

and so i pray.
and i seek the Lord's councel.

and sometimes i just don't know.
so i just decide anyway.

but my mind is learning how to have rest
no matter the outcome

because, and only because
of the only One who knows anything. 

"i am senseless and ignorant; i am a brute beast before you.
i am always with You;
You hold me by my right hand.

You guide me with Your counsel,
and afterward?.....
You will take me into glory."    

Whom have i in heaven but You?
earth has nothing compared to you
my flesh and my heart and my decisions may fail.
God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

it is good to be near God
i have made the Soverign Lord my refuge.
i will tell of all His deeds.     psalm 73:22-28 

all photos taken while traveling around in Uganda 2010

The Lord, my Shepherd

Written by:admin
Published on November 24th, 2013 @ 02:21:00 am , using 857 words, 876 views

 North Carolina sky

Psalm 23

God is my shepherd

i won?t be wanting

i won?t be wanting

He makes me rest in fields of green. by quiet streams

even while i?m walking...... thru the valley......... of death and dying.

i will not fear, cause You are with me, You?re always with me.


i don?t even know how to write this post.  how to paint the picture for you to understand how those words nourish in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

in the middle of the week as i lay in bed, unable to sleep because of the trauma of the day, i recited the entire thing to myself over and over and over again.

this week was full of heart wrenching struggles. the possibility that my neighbors (little) dog would have to be put down because of my (very big) dog jumping the fence.  rejoicing over that outcome (she made it through surgery and will be ok) and stressing over a now large bill to pay and new fence to build from a small bank account.  the time at the day center for homeless families sitting alongside a man with his head in his hands weeping over the news of his little boy far away-6 yrs. old and both legs amputated.  my pregnant sister in the hospital again.  too far away for me to visit.

and a month ago, in the middle of our flood, i buy a ticket that will take me to the other side of the US for the weekend.  i couldn?t see into the future to be sure that it would be ok to go.  i just had to trust that it would be.

it?s not really.  but i?m going anyway.

when we booked the flight/car/hotel i couldn?t see thousands of miles away what the hotel we were choosing would be like.  i just had to choose one.

here?s where the words fail me.

so i?ll just say that i needed my Shepherd to comfort me and make me rest when the fields weren?t green at all and there were no quiet streams.  i never noticed till now that following that wonderful image (i mean can?t you just see in your mind those fields and the stream?)...following that

is the valley.

of death and dying.

David says he won?t fear.


because His Shepherd is with him,

He?s always with him.

well, my Shepherd did make me rest in spite of the lack of green or quiet.  and i thanked Him so very much.  That His presence was constant and this weekend could still be a time of rest and refreshment...even here.

but then

in the middle of the night


bugs crawling on me. all these little bugs crawling around in my bed. suffice it to say.  i freak out. and i leave. and through my sobs i manage to find myself a more suitable place to stay. 


i don?t even know.

here i am.  this week?  i have nothing.  i know nothing.

and at 2 am far from home i?m wrestling with deep stuff.  i wanted rest.

Whole only comes after broken.  Healing only comes after wounds.  Are you willing to go a bit further and see?.......It doesn?t mean that God is trying to teach us a lesson in our difficulty.  Perhaps He is simply creating a masterpiece.  -emily freeman ? a million little ways p. 104, 105

perhaps He is creating a masterpiece.

am i willing to go a bit further and see?

man the wrestling is hard work.  and i won?t be attending the Barn event rested.  i?ll be attending quite fragile and quite simply exhausted i predict. 

but the beauty (masterpiece?) of this weekend is that i never questioned

that He was with me

the entire time.

When i couldn?t find words, only sobbs-the Spirit translated my groans for me.

when i began to condemn myself He brought to mind just the thing i needed.  (one example: condemning myself for freaking out over the bugs and not just toughing it out-and i remembered Corrie ten Boom and the biting flies.  she?d put up with much thus far in that concentration camp ?but the flies were too much for her too.)

He shows me that there are quiet streams here too, in this valley of death and dying.  He sticks in my mind jon foreman?s words: ?Two things you told me: that You are strong and You love me.....yes You love me.?


Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father.  And even the very hairs of your head are numbered.  So don?t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (matthew 10)

and internet at the new hotel so i can stream pandora and have music to drown out any lies the enemy wants to whisper.

Yes.  He is my Shepherd.

i won?t be wanting.

i won?t be wanting.

And this same God who takes care of me

will supply all your needs

from His glorious riches,

which have been given to us

in Christ Jesus.

(Philippians something i think)


Written by:admin
Published on September 10th, 2013 @ 12:06:00 pm , using 256 words, 814 views

she is pulling away
     i get a call from her caseworker
            and go to check
and she?s dressed for a party
     but she opens the door for me
            and her tears flow
we sit and read psalm 139
     and i give her a hug
             but i cannot make her choice.


in another world, a dear sweet one comes to  Bible Study
     even tho she is feeling old and weak
            fighting the cancer within
and tomorrow she will learn what her options are.
               and she is hanging on - to Christ?s every Word
                               and it works
and she is comforted.


i?ve been 20 years now at this Bible Study
     this will be my 4th time through the Book of Matthew
            i started out lost.  4 years of His words, i became His
so i know that it works.


whom the Son sets free, will be free indeed.
          but it won?t work for some?  it will seem like it isn?t working for some.
               and what do i do with that?


keep going.  just keep going. 
     because He has said: 

?For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven,
And do not return there without watering the earth
And making it bear and sprout,
And furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater;
11 So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth;
It will not return to Me empty,
Without accomplishing what I desire,
And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.

oh Lord, our only hope is You. 

Only You.

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.

Hebrews 10:23


Written by:admin
Published on July 23rd, 2013 @ 05:00:00 pm , using 307 words, 761 views

the yellow ring around the toilet bowl is disgusting so i shut the lid and wash my hands of it.  maybe tomorrow.

yesterday was spent on someone else?s needs.

and today the last one to catch the bug woke up with it.

and soreness from the fall yesterday while jogging with our Lady combines with fatigue from monthly hormones and i still can?t get out of my jammies.

thinking of how much to cancel today

thinking on and thinking on and thinking on the wretched state of this heart


out the window the sun still shines and the birds still sing


i have choices to make today

what will they be?

and who will really be the push behind them?

can i claim any ownership?

for the ability to pick up one foot and place it in front of the other and head outside?

or for the hymn that pandora picks, the one that closes these eyes and brings deep breaths and tears of being loved so. 
                prone to wander, Lord i feel it

the Work He does is amazing and the part i play is small.

and it?s unfair that i get to watch at all, with all the stomping and ranting i do deep within
                 - me, me, but what about ME?

-do i see today as a rest day-because Lord knows the work tomorrow will hold?

-do i see others as an assignment?  or do i see them as a gift...to uproot me?

-do i see my children and their illnesses as an interruption?  as a curse?  or as a gift...too, to uproot more of me?


considering the lilies today and how He clothes them.  they grow without toil or spinning.

if this uprooting of me continues, won?t the Designer Himself take root in my place?

do Your work my Master Gardener

uproot away


Holding On

Written by:admin
Published on June 14th, 2013 @ 05:11:00 pm , using 507 words, 1221 views

the tears drip down

i?m lost for words and how to process what i have seen today.

been taking a fellow to work this week.  after dropping my kids off at VBS, i?d head over to the hotel where he and his pregnant wife and 2 kids are living.

they have exhausted the resources of this city.  there are programs here.  they were in one. 

but sometimes a person?s brokenness keeps them from real help.

and so i drive.  there is always some fishing (for money) going on, but i am good and don?t bite.  this is love.  this is hard.  this is boundaries.  this is me in constant prayer seeking the Spirit who knows all things to tell me how to step left and right and dance this dance.

today it was driving pregnant mama and 2 kids and a couple of errands.  the conversations had been difficult, God had been faithful.  we drive in to the hotel.  there are many out of their rooms.  i look over and i see....

a man

carrying a woman

who is not breathing.

and i pull in and fumble for my phone to call 911 and wonder if i remember anything from cpr 25 + years ago.  the fire truck arrives quickly.  (before i need to find out about the cpr thing)

and i see. them. all.

i see the single mom of 4 who lives next to this family i know.

the family with the baby

the young girl

the tattooed man

the crowd gathered around

the fire dept, ambulance, police.

the darkness engulfing the entire place.

the woman breathing again taken

and the mom i know goes in her room, shuts the door,  and

i go home.


i go home.

and have to try to figure out how to parent these sinners here and nobody wants to clean their room

and i am the chief of them

but we have light.

we live in light.

and i can?t shake the vision of the darkness.

and i can?t stop weeping for them.

and asking why....why have i been given this gift of light.

and why won?t they take it?

and oh, that woman, the unnamed woman.  what brought her to the place of no breath in a run down hotel.

and You, the God who sees all things.  Who died for love of her, who has gone to great lengths for her, who continues to love her, how You must grieve.

this earth it is groaning.  i am groaning.

i have been studying the book of Colossians and so longed to write about all that i am learning.

but today, others are able to write and encourage and so instead i?ll just point to them.

for we all have need of endurance, and encouragement, and reminders of what is true. 


~Emily over at Chatting at the Sky and her post on what 100 lifeguards taught her about her calling.

~Jon Bloom?s guest post over at Ann Voskamp?s blog titled Don?t Give Up.

~and Sara Groves singing;


Christ is Reigning on His Throne

hold on

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